The now abandoned Buford homestead.
The Economy Acres motor court
A late night domestic disturbance in the Buford home.
The SimCity police department has seen this a million times. If only she would press charges, take her child and leave....
The troubled child of a broken home, Mariah Buford often sneaks off to downtown under the auspices of going to school.
"Clydell, I can only take so much of your drinking and running around! One of these days I'm gonna leave!"
"Aw baby, don' be like that! lookie, Mr. Joob-Joob ain't mad! Is you, Mr. Joob-Joob?" "Naw, Mr. Buford, I ain't mad, cause I know if I get all uppity, you gonna have to BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME. I sure wouldn't want that."
"Gosh Mr, Joob-Joob, that's a pretty good philosophy you have there, don't You agree, honey?"
"Ha Ha.... w-why y-yes... Mr. Joob-Joob.... that's uh... that's real smart of you... I think I'll get to fixin' supper now...."
The Suburbs of SimCity don't provide much for a child other than mini-malls and chain restaraunts. Mariah entertains herself with the most base and saddening forms of juvenile delinquency.
An indecent proposition is made.
...And a shoplifting spree to top off a day of shameful transgressions.
"Why don't we just slit his throat while he sleeps, Mama?"
"I... I.. I couldn't do that! The world is a cold, cruel place to Virgos who can't read and are allergic to wearing shoes. I need your daddy to protect me!"
"Maybe I can employ that evil voodoo sorcery I keep hearing all about in Pastor Jenkin's church camp to kill Daddy..."
That night, Clydell suffers an aneurism and dies. It's unclear if this is a result of "voodoo" or simple alcohol poisoning. Clydell's 8-ball a day crank habit didn't help either.
"..."
"Oh my sweet baby Jesus, what do we do?"
"Now if I can just heave his still-warm corpse into the trash, I'll be home free!" "Daddy is remarkably light for such a huge bastard."
Idi Amin pays a visit to the Buford home, offering his condolences and delcious candies.
"It's ok General Amin, Mister Joob-Joob the magical rat keeps me from being sad. Say, Mister Joob Joob says you look lonely. And rich. Is that true, Mister Amin?"
This is all getting too horrible for me to caption. Really. Can we play a nice happy game now? Like Soldier of Fortune?
"I have had a most excellent time today, little girl. Come to my compound for dinner any time."
Another peaceful night at the Economy Acres motor court.
"Dad, geddup! It's 3:00pm and I want Count Chocula for breakfast and we ain't got none!"
"Shaddup yew lil' bastard, I tole you I ain't yore daddy. That whore mother of yours just picked me random. Now GET DADDY A BEER. YOU KNOW DADDY CAN'T WAKE UP WITHOUT HIS BEER!"
Damn if that little ratturd ain't got a point about the food. I better find some cash quick or else I'm going to have to ask Mr. Honkula for my job back at the factory...
I wonder if I can pawn this toaster again... It still toasts sometimes...